Background for those new to our story. My husband and I were married in 2003. We waited a few years before trying for a child because we wanted to enjoy married life. It took us four years to get a positive plus sign. At one point I counted 25 friends who were expecting bundles of joy. As much as I loved celebrating each and every birth, my heart was heavy and aching to hold a child of my own. In 2008 we started infertility testing and the "I want a baby" treatments that left me an emotional wreck. We finally drew the line in the sand when Clomid didn't work after the second series. I spent most of that year crying out to the Lord to bless us, here are a few inserts from that time.
February 13, 2008
Once again in my distress you answer me--the question I ask is how do I let go and completely trust you with the future when it seems everything is passing me by?
Luke 12: 22-34 "Do not worry...for where you treasure is, there you heart will be also...
Matthew 6:33-34...seek first His kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own.
Matthew 7:7-8, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be open to you."
Lord the question I have for you is, is it in your plan for Jeff and I to be parents? Because if it is not, open the door for us to serve you in other capacities. If it not be your will, remove the desire from my heart. I feel like we are in a holding cell, please let us out, we want to serve you--we want to do your will. How long Lord can I ask without praying with wrong, selfish motives?
I then write: See Psalms
4..."the Lord hears when I call to him." Praise you LORD!
March 10, 2009
The baby journey continues--not
pregnant--I praise you with whatever lies ahead
"You will keep in perfect peace
him who is steadfast because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
July 23, 2008 (my husband's
birthday)
Lord we are in a waiting season yet
we know you are with us. Daily you show
me why you have called us to wait. It is
evident in the growth in Jeff--thank you Lord for this...Lord, I look forward
to what the future holds.
August 16, 2008 (what later would be
our son's birthday--CHILLS)
Thank you Lord for your great
love...Lord fill me fully to where I will overflow with YOUR love. Lord my prayer is that the waiting would not
be about a baby but about resting in your plan for my life. To God be the glory...oh Lord, how I long to
get to this point
August 24, 2008
As much as I struggle with the
journey, I must say thanks for allowing me to follow your plan laid out just
for me.
I have learned that in the waiting
process, the waiting does not equal God's rejection of me. God's delays are not His denials. "But those who wait on the Lord shall
renew their strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run
and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
"Wait for the Lord, be strong
and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalms 27:14
September 11, 2008
Tomorrow is Clomid day. The song "Great Adventure" by
Steven Curtis Chapman was playing on the radio today. I want to wallow in fear--yet I can't because
I know the Lord is with me. I choose joy to see this phase as The Great
adventure. Lord help Jeff and I to find
joy in the journey. Calm our fears-remove our anxious thoughts. Help me to focus on today. THIS moment, THIS
season.
"Trust in the Lord with all
your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5-6
Bless us Lord in due time!
September 17, 2008
I believe that documenting prayers is proof that you are alive and active in my life. I believe that a day will come when this journal will bless someone else who is in their season of waiting. I believe that God is loving, caring and compassionate. I believe that you will provide for our basic needs. I believe that one day soon a baby will be growing in my belly. I beleive that your timing is perfect! I believe that you are with us, guiding us, leading us every step of the way. I believe that your plan is bigger and grander than we could ever hope or imagine. I believe that you created me for a purpose, to be used for your glory. I believe that you alone are God and when we trust you, our life is more richer than anything we could imagine.
September 25, 2008
Today Lord Jeff and I both put the baby plans in your hands. Lord, you are all I need. Nothing else matters without you. Help me Lord to glorify you.
****
Jeff and I chose the rest of our days to wait with JOY! We were having fun and soaking up life again. In October 2009, we took a road trip to San Diego. It was just what we needed. I was feeling like myself again and enjoying spending time with just us. It was on that trip that we decided we would be perfectly content with the just being the cool aunt and uncle. Well, God had other plans because two months after that trip, this is what I wrote in my journal.
December 13, 2009
And the pre-printed verse in my journal that day...
"God saw all that He made, and it was very good." Genesis 1:31
Friends who make it to the bottom of this post, I pray this post was a blessing to you. I pray that God will use this to touch your heart right where you are today. I could not have survived those four years without the Lord by my side. My prayer is that if you are in a waiting season that you trust the Lord and you wait for the Lord to reveal His plan to you. I love the words of Jeremiah 29:13, "You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Please do not hesitate to email if you need a friend or just want someone to pray for you during your waiting period.
theyoungs365@gmail.com
God bless your journey!
Susan
