In light of the tragedy that happened this past Friday, I find myself wanting to hold Andrew a little tighter these days. This afternoon, he refused a nap and so I gave up the fight and strongly encouraged him to crawl up on the couch and not move until the movie was over. Within five minutes of the movie starting, my son had crawled in my lap laid his head against my cheek and within 5 minutes was a limp rag in my arms. I loved every minute.
This time last week, I received a phone call from a sweet friend telling me news about one of the girls we had in our cabin at camp. My sweet camper lost her husband and now must face the holidays with just her and her young son. My heart breaks for this family.
I have come to realize how fragile life is these days, NO ONE knows the number of their days. And yet, I am amazed at how many people still find something to argue about. I just want to scream and say "ENOUGH! At what point will you realize that you may not get another chance with this person or that. Let it go, for the love of all things, let it go!" Instead it seems that everyone rather be right and have their voice heard than to take the time to sit back and examine their own hearts in the matter and seek forgiveness.
A few months ago after dealing with an ugly personal situation, I started to memorize verses that I felt would draw out the character that I wanted our family to portray in certain life scenarios. The number one verse, that held a place on the ceramic plate in the kitchen for many months was found in Romans 12:18 "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Every time I was in the kitchen this verse was like a neon sign blinking in the night. I realized that I hadn't been putting this verse into practice. It really hurt to have to examine my own part in all of this. I was asked during that time by a dear friend, "would you rather be a peacemaker or a war rager?" You see I had a choice, I could sit and stew over the wrongs that had happened to me or I could go to the person, lay down my pride and say, "I messed up, please forgive me." It wasn't easy admitting my wrong but the peace that came from reconciling was a great gift and a huge weight off my shoulders. I pray next time that seeking forgiveness is my first course of action and not my last.
You see it took months for me to realize my part in all of it. I was so focused on what the other wasn't doing that I never stopped to examine my own heart. Shame on me. Shame on ME!! I am thankful that the Lord brought people into my life to speak truth in love And I am thankful that I did not allow my pride to ruin what is now a very sweet relationship in my life.
As we head full steam ahead into the Christmas season, my heart is heavy for the families in Connecticut and my heart is heavy for my sweet camper friend. I bet they would give anything, family junk and all, to spend one more day with the person they love. I know that Jeff and I will cherish every moment we have with our family this holiday season. We are going to soak up Christmas through the eyes of a two year old and sit a little closer on the couch after the boy has gone to bed and savor the time we have in that moment. Because as we have all realized in the past couple of days, it could change with the blink of an eye.
Sweet camper friend, I know you will probably read this so I want to take a moment to tell you how much I love you. I hurt for you and your precious son. It's obvious from Facebook and the write up in the paper how much your husband was loved and how he used his life and past mistakes to glorify God in the present. I know this season is going to hurt like nothing you have ever felt and so I pray without ceasing for you. I pray that God gives you a peace that passes all understanding and the strength to put one foot in front of the other. Love you sweet friend & hugging you tight via the Internet.
